So far, keeping it together's been enough.

"How are you, Karla?"

Default question. So easy to answer. But really, so difficult to take seriously. Do they really want to know, or are they just being polite? Cos if it's the latter, well then, Okay lang. And technically, that's not a lie because of course I'm okay. But I guess it's also a half-truth because that's not all there is to it. I'm okay, and more.

There are so many things that can be said, that can be written about how I am right now. As I've said before, I was never really the cheesy type, although I know deep within the recesses of my brain lies a repressed cheese ball. I guess I don't give in to that because based on experience, it's when I recognize the happy state that things end, or at least momentarily stop being happy. I'm afraid of these two things, primarily: of my words not translating the emotion completely, and of me jinxing it.

But when I'm in the middle of something so completely different from what I'm used to, when I'm currently riding a wave of contentment and gladness, when things are not how I expected them to be but so much better, I'm also afraid of letting things slip by without having some proof other than my fail of a memory to remind me of them. I want it written down, at the back of my notebook, in quick notes in my cellphone, in status updates, in this blog, somewhere.

As opposed to what Hollywood has been shoving down everyone's throats, this kind of love is not this perfect, grand, all-encompassing feeling, though. It's like a simple, little secret, like tumbling into bed after a long day. Having the pillow between your arms, the blankets wrapped around your legs, with your old shirt and comfy shorts -- it's not the most striking part of the day, but it's the most comfortable, the most needed. It's not when you're most beautiful, but it's when you feel most like yourself. It's warm, it's cozy.

I don't know if comparing a relationship to sleeping is a good enough metaphor or just a reflection of how sleep-deprived I am. But I suppose it answers the question: For everything else that sucks about life, there is something (and someone) I look forward to at the end of the day. So I guess that definitely makes me more than okay. I'm good. We're good.