the world spins madly on.

[This post was supposed to be my post for November 26, 2008]

Death. It's such a heavy word for something so short. It's something we all know will come to us, will happen to us. But when it does, we still feel like it pulled out the rug from underneath us and knocked us down. Nothing can ever prepare us for death. No matter how many times we try to accept it, we will never take it easy.

My lola passed away last Saturday. I was there when she died, right there in the room beside her as her blood pressure fluctuated. I saw the green line become horizontal, and the monotonous beeping sound rang in my ears for several minutes. I was there. I saw my lola die.

Like what I said before, I find the greatest strength in wanting to be strong. She wasn't my direct lola, she was the aunt of my dad, the sister of my lolo. But we lived in their compound (together with her sisters; all of them didn't get married_, and we were very close. She was the one who chased the cats away so that I can enter the gate. She was the one who would bring the bills to our house. She was the one who signed my parents' consents in case I forgot to ask my mom or dad to sign. She was just.. always there. And now she isn't anymore.

The hardest part after her death though was not the wake, or the funeral. It was relatively easy to put up a brave front when all our relatives were there around me, somewhat distracting me and taking me mind off things. But after all has been said and done, it's the coming home that hurts the most. Finding the house almost empty, that's what really broke my heart. And I believe that every homecoming would feel that way, to me at least. Every time I come home from Katipunan, I'd feel the emptiness, I'd feel her absence. But I have to be strong, especially for my other lola (her sister), because she needs to feel that we are here for her and that she is not alone.

Death. It's such a cumbersome word. But there's something far heavier and more substantial than that -- LIFE. It's ironic that a death has to take place before we stop taking life for granted. But this is reality. The world won't stop turning. Life goes on. Even for me and my family. I'll sorely miss my lola but I know that she is at peace now. And I know that she'll always look after me -- as I go on with my life.

* * * *


Dazzled.
I have tried to downplay it a million times before. I resist the urge to scream every time I hear someone mentioning his name. I am constantly trying to control myself from hyper-ventilation with the very thought of him. I struggle to contain my anticipation. But last night, I gave up the battle. I just.. gave in.

TWILIGHT IS A GREAT MOVIE.

I don't know if I loved it because I enjoyed the series, or I have a tremendous bias for Edward and Robert Pattinson, or just simply because I like romantic films. But whatever the reason is, Twilight definitely made my week.

My mom and I watched at Glorietta 4 yesterday evening. I went straight to Makati from Diliman. Most of you already know that my mom is a Twilight Mom (meaning, she read the series too and yes, she loves Edward just as much) so it was only natural that I go and watch it with her. The cinema was filled with young people, mostly swooning teenaged girls like me. And obviously, hormones were on a rampage.

Jessica: "And that's.. Edward Cullen."
*Edward enters*

All the girls in the cinema: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!
*hyperventilating and squealing*

I was, of course, one of the screaming girls. I couldn't help it. Edward -- my Edward was right there in front of me, and not just a figment of the imagination. I'm sure everyone else felt the same. I know Robert Pattinson isn't exactly the Edward we all expected, but to me, he was amazing. I felt the Edward-ness in him. I liked Kristen too. I really did. Of course, there are still a couple of flaws and some scenes/lines were cut, and it still doesn't beat reading the book (I swear, you should read it first before watching) but I guess that's inevitable with every book-turned-to-movie franchises. Nevertheless, I enjoyed every bit of it. For now, I won't tell which parts because I'm sure most of you haven't seen it yet. All I can say is.. I screamed a lot. And it wasn't because I was scared. :)

I know there are a lot of anti-Twilight people out there, be it for the author, the book series, the movie, the actors -- and everything about the saga. And I respect your opinion. But you have to respect mine as well. I love Twilight, even before it became such a huge craze. And I don't think any amount of criticism will make me stop loving it :)

I can only say this:

Just when I thought it was no longer possible, I fell in love with Edward Cullen all over again. ♥

So far.

So far.. I am enjoying Snunch time. It's the term Jamie, Andy, and I invented for the meal we eat before or after lunch since our CW10 class falls on 11:30-1:00. Get it, Snack + Lunch? :) The first day I made it up, we couldn't stop saying it. Snunch. Snunch. Snunch. Haha. Who knew monay and peanut butter/coco jam are perfect together?

So far.. I am surrounded with Ateneans. There's Keith from my Comm3 class. Viktor (with a K!) from my Ital10 class. Chips from my Socio10 class. Now I have two sets of guy friends: Claretian friends and Atenean friends. Who's complaining? :))

So far.. I like all my profs. And most of them are young and very witty. My Socio10 prof looks like Maja Salvador -- and she just graduated last April! It's funny because one of our classmates was her classmate before in NatSci1. Some of our other classmates are older than her as well. Meanwhile, my NatSci2 prof is without a doubt the funniest geologist ever! I love how he makes every meeting something to look forward to. I never thought I'd say this, but I'm actually beginning to like Geology! :) I'm feeling a little optimistic about my professors -- I just hope my vibes don't fail me!

So far.. my PE dance partner and I are still not connecting! I really try to be friends with him, but he's always rejecting me! I try to make small talk with him [Me: "Mech Engg ka di ba?" Him: "..." Me: "..." Him: "Hinde."], but he just stares at me like I just said the lamest question in the world. You can only imagine the awkwardness every time we are forced to look into each other's eyes for the dance. Right now, I just hope we pass the practical test.

So far.. I'm getting back into my study mode. It was hard to take off the "Sembreak" out of my system but it can only inhabit me for so long. Finally, reality is kicking in -- readings, papers, requirements are slowly piling up. Oh the joys of being a college student! [*insert sarcasm*]

So far.. I can ask anyone's cellphone number in Italian. I think it will work as a pick-up line given that you have the right accent and the right "moves." I'm loving my Ital10 class because we are so interactive -- as exercises, we have to converse with everyone and really memorize the phrases/accents. Over the weekend, I peeked at one of the Italian channels on cable and I must admit, Italian really sounds hot. Qual'e il numero del tuo cellulare?

So far.. I'm running out of things to say. So.. I'll leave you with this:

ElephantLove ♥

Arrivederci!

First Day High version 2.0

Because of my colds, I've been feeling extremely indolent and tired for the past few days. I was even too lazy to open my computer [gasp!] -- until now. Basically I've been doing the best way to pass the time: sleeping. And now, all that sleeping is what's keeping me up tonight. So yeah, here I am.

How was your first day/week back for the new semester, people?

As for me, it was okay. Most of you probably know this: we started our classes last Friday. Corny, I know. What's one more weekend right? But being the nerdy girl that I am, I couldn't help feeling psyched too. One month away from my "second life" made me miss UP and Katipunan a lot. So despite my constant complaining, I was secretly excited as well. That cost me sleep during my first night back at the dorm. I kept tossing and turning like I did on the night of June 9th. I am such a geek.

First class was PE. Despite it being at eight in the morning, and being a usually-laughed-at choice, ["Folk dance?! Are you totally kidding me?" Uh, I'm totally not.] I was quite excited because I knew Ayiene and I are classmates! A good friend for a classmate is enough reason to pull me out of bed early in the morning. It was funny because I actually never noticed the dance area despite the many times I've been to the gym. It was this small little corner with mirrors on the wall, like those in an actual dance studio -- except that it's inside a gymnasium with only a net separating it from the court. Which makes it look a little bit out of place. While waiting for our professor, I giddily told Ayiene and Mariah about my ultimately kilig experience with Chris Tiu last October 10. Swooning over Chris Tiu first thing in the morning -- what a way to start my day! :) Soon, our professor arrived and checked our attendance. She told us her requirements and some reminders. Our final test would be tinikling! Woooh! I now have a reason to be thankful that I took our tinikling classes in fourth year seriously. Shortly after, we were dismissed.

I went straight to AS to meet with my CrEnggBB friends at our tambayan. I missed them a lot, but honestly, I didn't really feel like we were apart for a whole month [with the exception of my birthday celebration]. I don't know if it's because time flew by so quickly or because school really just has a way of creeping up to you and taking over your life right away. Luckily, I still had an hour or so to kill before my next class so we did a little catching up with each other.

At 10 o'clock was my Comm3 class. As I entered the room, I immediately saw a familiar face so I sat right next to him. And turns out, he was my classmate in Eng11. I knew it. We talked while we waited for our professor -- who by the way didn't show up. Surprisingly, in the short amount of time we chit-chatted, I found out a lot about him. I'm such a conversationalist, I'm starting to think maybe I'm not supposed to be a writer! His name's Keith, by the way. I made him promise to save me a seat next week. Haha.

A good friend of ours from high school, Cecile, and her dad, together with her classmate Karla C. [aka Karlaloveschocolate!] passed by UP last Friday. We ate together for lunch and did lots of catching up with each other. Her dad told us lots of stories about his UP life too and they really made us laugh. We asked them about their La Salle life so far and we compared how things are going on in our respective sides of Metro Manila. I found out that no matter what university you are in, terror Math teachers, girls wearing short-short-shorts and overly affectionate couples will always be present.

I rushed back to get to my Italian10 class at 1 pm. This was the one class that I was extremely looking forward to. Upon reaching CAL 502, I immediately saw two of my Kas-mates from the first sem, Justine and Nicole. Then came Karla U. [Inna's blockmate]. I was so surprised that a lot of people I knew would be taking this class as well. After a few more minutes of chitchatting, it suddenly and abruptly dawned on me that I was in the wrong class! I couldn't believe it! CAL 502 is for my CW10 class on Tuesday. Damn excitement. I quickly rushed out of the room after my epiphany and on my way out I saw Reg, Jan, and Enzo all going to CAL 502 as well -- for their English10 class! I briefly told them my little story and rushed downstairs to look for our room assignment [since Ital10's room was TBA]. Luckily, I saw my blockmate Cathy is my classmate in Italian10, and I asked her if she knew where our room was. CAL 504. What's with me and mistaken-classroom identity on the first days of class? I had a similar incident last sem too. I HOPE THIS DOESN'T HAPPEN EVERY YEAR. I only get to pull out the "I'm Only A Freshman" card twice, you know, and I just consumed the last one. Anyway, our professor didn't show up either. Darn.

Because of my brilliant scheming, I'm only up to 2:30 [everyday people! 2:30! *insert evil laugh here*], so Inna and I decided to go back South after class. Instead of going home however, we went straight to MoA because our HS barkada suddenly had an impromptu date which surprisingly pushed through. We ate dinner at Pancake House and shared LOTS of kwentos and chismis, you know the usual -- especially from those who didn't attend my party. Amf. Haha. I had a great time. I miss them terribly.

So there. So much for my first day back at school. It isn't as colorful as I expected it to be, but oh well. I have a very good feeling about this upcoming sem. Now that I've tested the UP waters, hopefully I can make this sem way more awesome than the first one.


Ugh, the colds are kicking in once again. [*sniff sniff*] Thankfully, I'm starting to feel sleepy. Now I can doze off -- again.

How long have you been seventeen?

A while.

I'm seventeen and a week old already. Hooray! My two birthday parties were a blast. The first one, with my college friends was held at RedBox Trinoma. We had so much fun singing our hearts out to all the songs you can think of. I didn't know they were just as crazy as I was when it came to karaoke! Now I can say they are true friends because they heard me sing yet they still love me! Harhar. Then last Friday, I had another party here at home with just my really close HS friends. We also sang karaoke for a bit, then we watched The Grudge. I think it's like an unwritten tradition that we watch horror movies during birthday parties. Timely, since it was also Halloween. As usual, it was a scream fest. Then we played mind games and just made kwento. It was fun because we haven't seen each other in ages but it really just felt like the old times. And I miss that.

My HS barkada gave me a very sweet gift too. Aside from the pink shades and the Artwork shirt that says "I love Cats" (uggghh it was to annoy me because they know I hate cats :P), they also gave me a notebook with all their pictures and messages in it. They said since I was a CW major, I need lots of inspiration to be able to write so that notebook will serve as my inspiration since they are all there. It was so sweeeet really. Love them to bits! ♥

Special mention si Cars. I heard she was supposed to go to another event but chose to go to my party instead. Awww. Love you, Peyngel! :*

I extremely had a wonderful time with all of my friends this week. I loved hanging out with them again. The gifts were just bonuses, really. Until the next celebration, guys! See you soon! :P (Pictures at my Multiply)


I will most definitely rock 17 :)


"I find the greatest strength in wanting to be strong." -- from Boy Meets Boy by David Levithan

I never really realized the impact of this statement until very recently. Last night after visiting the cemetery, we went to the Makati Med ICU because one of my grandmothers has been confined there for over a week. Her condition has been very inconsistent for the past couple of days, sometimes she's getting better, sometimes she isn't. Last night however, it got a little worse. Suddenly all the doctors rushed in, and did all these procedures on her. It was tough on my mom, dad, and me because we were there. I was there in the ICU all throughout. I saw almost everything, and to say that it was painful would be an understatement. During the course of the night, I was just there. I couldn't bring myself to cry or to feel anything. I was comforting everyone else, from my parents, my tita and my other lola. Thankfully though, my lola got better. Her condition has somewhat stabilized, but she has all these tubes connected to her. After what seemed like forever, I went outside the room, sat down along the corridor, and just cried. I am not the most courageous person I know, and during those times I was very helpless, but at the same time I also felt strong because I braved the whole thing. I guess it's true, bravery is not the absence of fear but the decision to continue despite the fear.

I hope my lola gets well soon.


On a much lighter note..

Buon giorno, amici!

I finally completed my 15 units! Thank you, beloved CRS! As a result of my subject-hoarding for the third pre-enlistment, I got two additional subjects: Comm3 and Italian10! Okay, so I'm not really supposed to take a foreign language until next year but luckily we have the "academic freedom" in taking the subjects in our curriculum. My original plan was to take up French, but since it was Italian that made its way into my schedule, then let's see what will happen. I'm really looking forward to that subject.

My schedule is pretty neat too. I'm only until 2:30 pm every single day. I am free all afternoon -- this means more sleep for me! Oh yeah. A part of me isn't looking forward to going back to school, but it comforts me that somehow my schedule is not that horrible. Yeyy :)

I CANNOT WAIT ♥
Later :)

I am sixteen, going on seventeen.

I've waited for forever to actually be able to sing that for real when I was a kid. Sound of Music was my favorite movie then and Liezl was my favorite character. And now, I can really sing it truthfully. Never again after tomorrow :P

Seveteen has always been portrayed by the media as the "epitome" of a teenage girl's life. It's at seventeen that girls in works of fiction get their first kiss, first dance, first boyfriend.. the usual firsts. And when I was a kid, I've always wanted to be seventeen right away because it just sounds so pretty. I really thought it was the "not-a-girl-not-yet-a-woman" age. It was depicted as something so.. exciting and life-changing.

Now that I'm a day away from being seventeen, well, to tell you honestly it doesn't feel like that. I don't see fireworks outside my window, I don't feel certain body parts arriving and transforming me into a real lady. I'm still me. And I'm pretty sure tomorrow I'm still going to be the same boring lazy person [haha]. To tell you honestly, tomorrow would be a real different birthday than the usual ones I have, and I don't know, I just don't feel like it won't be as exciting as it used to be because soooo many things have changed.

But, a birthday is a birthday. The world won't stop turning just because I don't feel like I'm ready to be seventeen yet. Tomorrow, I'm going to be seventeen. And I guess it's up to me if I'm going to just BE seventeen and leave it that way, or BE seventeen and have fun with it.

I'm choosing the latter. So, come on October 26. Bring on your birthday magic! I'ma rock 17.

[17 is Chris Tiu's jersey number by the way! ♥ Oh I'm soo gonna love this age!]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!
(tomorrow :P)

UPCAT the movie.

"Lucas and Joaquin are two teenage boys from the province who believe passing the UPCAT (University of the Philippines College Admissions Test) is the passport to their dreams. While Joaquin's goal is to eventually get a well-paying job and bring his OFW parents back home, Lucas wants nothing more than to win the heart of schoolmate Jane -- and perhaps her family, all of whom are UP-educated. The two seek help in reviewing from Michael, a UP Fine Arts graduate with a secret. In this light coming-of-age journey, Lucas and Joaquin discover some truths about life, love, dreams and shaded circles, and a little more about themselves along the way."

(from UPCAT the Movie)

I first found out about the movie in a UP Multiply group. Immediately after watching the trailer, memories just came flowing back. Has it already been a year ago when I was a very hopeful senior wanting to get into one of the best universities in the Philippines? It still feels all to familiar to me. The sleepless nights and the unending apprehension before and after the test was enough reason to keep me anxious all throughout the school year. I wasn't in the "UP or nothing" scenario though -- I wasn't that desperate. But at some point, it kind of felt that way because UP was my dream school.

After all, it's college that we've all been working for for the past 12 years of our life. Now that I think about it, it was the ultimate goal then wasn't it? Get into a prestigious college. Pass the entrance exams.

OH WELL. I'm glad I'm over that already. Now my ultimate goal is to survive in UP. Don't get me wrong though -- it ain't any easier. Because passing the test is only half the battle :P



P.S. One Tree Hill Season 6 is ♥!
P.P.S. 3 days to go! :)

Once again, the CRS drove me insane.

My fantastic pre-enlistment schedule.
(Click the pic to enlarge)

I am sure as hell I am not the only UP student out there who is going crazy over this. Every one of us is (im)patiently waiting for the [I cannot stress this enough] EXTREMELY SLOW LOADING [also known as Slowding, haha] process of the site, and I guess it's safe to say that it's enough to make anyone -- most especially a freshman -- go berserk.

The entire pre-enlistment process is just pure frustration, I tell you. First, the waiting. You have to wait oh-so-patiently for the page to load -- that is if you're lucky enough to not have the connection time out on you. Second, the searching for the subjects you need and checking their availability. And third, the arranging of your schedule. You have to consider so many things before clicking the "Pre-enlist" button: the professor, the time, and the classmates too if you and your friends decided on going to the same class. So many options to weigh, so little time.

And if that's not enough to get you so exasperated.. well maybe the whole "Selection and Rejection" process will. The chances of you getting your desired subject is like you winning in the lottery or something. IT'S THAT HARD. And every after batch processing, you only end up feeling more upset because you have to do the entire thing all over again.

AAAAARGH. After the second batch processing, I still haven't completed my 15 units. I'm still six units short. I guess I can still consider myself lucky though because I got 4 out of 6 subjects after the first batch processing. However, two subjects lacking is still two subjects lacking. I NEED TO COMPLETE THIS BEFORE ENROLLMENT TIME. I don't want to prerog! :( [For the non-UP people, prerog is short for "prerogative" -- if I'm not mistaken, in a nutshell, it's the process of pleading a professor to give you a slot in his class.]

Which explains the over-choosing of subjects. Haha. I don't care if there are conflicts right now as long as I get two subjects! Please CRS, don't fail me.


Anyway.. on the brighter side of things.

Like what I said, I got 4 out of the 6 subjects I pre-enlisted in! [Thank God for the freshman priority. Teehee]

In my CW10, I'm classmates with my two best college buds, Andy and Jamie -- and in a subject related to our course at that! It's not really a requirement anymore unlike our English11 class, but we figured we would be together for the next four years of our lives talking about English and creative writing anyway so why not take this one together? I'm sure the three of us will have a blast again. But the biggest shock of all was my PE class. As usual, it is not an exciting heart-racing exhilarating sport because you all know I am anything but sporty. It's.. [drumroll please!] Folk Dancing. Okay, laugh all you want. But I was actually pretty good in our folk dance lessons in high school. Ask that to Mrs. Laxa! :D Anyway, I suppose I wouldn't suck that bad this time. My only problem was I had no one with me unlike in Walking class where I had Drea and Inna. In short, I was alone in a supposedly fun subject -- or so I thought. Turns out.. AYIENE AND I ARE CLASSMATES! :) We only found out earlier tonight when we were asking each other's subjects [so far] in the pre-enlistment. This is so awesome! I cannot believe our luck! See.

Once again, the Small World Theory at work. Aww I'm gonna miss Physics 10. But I'm already looking forward to my classes [so far] this coming sem! :)

Speaking of Physics 10, another great news..

My grades are [so far] really good -- especially Physics 10! I so didn't expect that. Anyway, I have only seen the final grades of 4 out of the 5 GE subjects I took. I'm still waiting for the English11 grade to come out. That's all I'm saying for now, though. I don't want to jinx anything just yet. So.. there. Haha.

It really is a good thing I have One Tree Hill to keep me distracted from all this academic-related vexations. The only problem is it takes forever to load on the Internet. Especially during peak hours.



Now that I think about it, I guess everything that I'm thinking about right now just boils down to PATIENCE. Waiting. You can't always have what you want right there when you need it. You got to hang in there for a little while first. That way when you do get it, you'll know you really deserved it.

I guess I should go practice that whole tolerant and uncomplaining side of me now. Because we all know patience is so not my virtue.